P.A. MacLean
RedwoodAge.com
With baby boomers in middle age, many find themselves squeezed between child rearing and elderly parents that now need more care than ever.
What’s become known as the “sandwich generation” faces increasing demands to care for aging parents.
Just a few years ago it was estimated that one in four American households, roughly 22 million, cared for an elderly family member, according to a report by the Forum for Family and Consumer Sciences.
An estimated 6 million seniors require help getting out of bed, dressing, cooking and handling finances, according to the National Safety Council.
Within the family that caregiver is more often the wife, daughter or daughter-in-law, the research showed.
As a practical matter this means it is not uncommon for an adult child to work full time, look after the financial affairs of an elderly mother, help with home repairs, cleaning and providing transportation to doctors, the grocery store and pharmacy while also managing her own children’s school and sports activities.
Lowering that stress and preventing job burnout, emotional fatigue and family strife should become part of the overall plan to care for yourself as well as an aging parent.
Being thrust into the role of helping an aging loved one can arrive suddenly, through a heart attack, stroke or simple fall that results in a broken hip and months of recovery. Or it can be the slow ebb of a parent’s mental fitness to live alone or care for themselves completely.
Resources exist to help you through the process of care giving and knowing just what is needed.
Several warning signs that a parent may be declining to a point of crisis and unable to manage their own care, according to the Senior Solutions of America include:
- poor grooming and personal hygiene,
- loss of appetite,
- spoiled or outdated food in the refrigerator,
- mishandling medication,
- personality changes, irritability or sudden mood changes,
- poor or unsafe housekeeping, and
- loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyed.
What to do?
First get the person checked medically. Sometimes the troubling symptoms result
from prescription drug side effects. Also vitamin B12 deficiency and dehydration
can be mistaken for Alzheimer’s disease more often than you might suspect,
according to Senior Solutions.
The Safety Council recommends getting involved before a parents’ health has deteriorated so far their options are limited.
Most experts advise a family meeting if possible to get others involved in decision-making and dole out shared responsibility for tasks.
Consider nonprofessional help to ease the burden on a single family member caring for a parent. This can be volunteers from church or community service groups to do cleaning, yard work, provide rides to medical appointments or the supermarket.
Initially, simple changes in the home to make it safer may be enough, such as bathroom handrails, replace doorknobs with levers to allow easier door opening and provide ramps up steps.
If you live too far from a parent to provide regular help with shopping, put the Internet to use but ordering things they need for home delivery, particularly in areas with severe winter weather. Home delivered medicines, or personal hygiene items such as shampoos, toothpaste and soaps can save a parent too many taxing trips to the grocer.
Safeguarding finances by simply knowing where they have savings accounts, medical insurance or supplemental insurance and collect account numbers to have as references when needed. Also discuss durable power of attorney with your parent, to allow you to handle some of the finances when they are no longer able.
Sharing the burdens of care with a spouse and siblings will reduce some of the stresses associated with being caught between child care and elder care.
Here is a short list of resources for more detailed information about housing options and other care options:
National Family Caregiver Support Program
American Society on Aging, family resources
